Rua and I (11 weeks old)

My first inclination was to write about traversing (what has felt like) the full spectrum of my human condition in the space of a single month, from feeling immense joy to agonising grief, and all of the passing emotions in between (and who knew there were so many?)

With each passing day I have been increasingly looking forward to writing about it, aching to have my creativity and insight back — something that felt abandoned, shelved and possibly even…washed up. Yes, I have a flare for the dramatic, but it’s how it felt for me and I won’t invalidate that…


Givealittle page: https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/melindas-big-farewell#

The last laugh I got out of Lindy was when I realised that she shared the same birthday as my first ex-husband, and I observed that I liked her much more than I did him. A cheeky smile wobbled up with a glint of naughty shining in her eyes, the stroke might have been catastrophic, but it wasn’t going to take her humour away easily.

Melinda Bennett, 40, a local Hawkes Bay hero, died peacefully on Friday shortly after hearing her daddy tell her for the last time that he loved her oh so very much. She…


In the first six months of my post-Covid recovery (February to August 2020) I committed a number of grave crimes of stupidity against my body. Some of you bore witness to this and some of you were my usual running mates, delighted (I like to think) to have your friend back in town after a long international absence. …


A shift in perspective, from a wannabe Vulnerabilist.

This morning marked the 40th blood test I’ve had this year, though I graced a new locale this time having recently moved abode. Same drill, different person, a subtle shift in technique. Good chat.

On my way back home over the Waitakere Ranges, winding my way down to Piha, I took stock of the recent “manifestation” of life changes. I knew I needed a shift in perspective, and so that’s what I got. Lock, stock and all of the barrels, as usual, not done in halves — we’ve gone full Pihaian. As chuffed with myself as I am for having…


(UPDATED: 1 December 2020 for changes in routines)

There are protocols for each area we’re trying to fix (though most is focused on the inflammation, fatigue, palpitations and muscle aches) and they’ve each been added over time to adjust and see what works. Whilst now it’s a very complex and long list — it still feels manageable due to having been undertaken over time. It would be daunting to do this all at once! It’s taken 3 months to get into the groove and routine — they’re now habits and I actually enjoy doing them (no, really!) …


Scribbles from a Vulnerabilist (chapter 2)

It’s time for me to wage war on the inflammation that’s been raging inside my body since I relapsed with a long-haul Covid post-viral fatigue, after my recent bowel and ovary surgery.

This consists of a few things:

  1. Gut health as my #1 priority. Take control of what goes into my body, know what impact it has. Research, educate, do better. Fresh, clean & good fats are in; sugar, gluten and alcohol are out. And I don’t even miss them. …


Not very patient: the road to Covid-19 long haul recovery (chapter 1) Scribbles by a Vulnerabilist.

Back when offices still were a thing. Photo credit Co of Woman.

If it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill, then surely by now I should be a stellar patient. I’ve spent a lot of time in hospital beds, in medical waiting rooms, on bathroom floors, in people’s arms, having my brow wiped, my back rubbed and looking up at the worrying gaze of a loved one doing what they can, but feeling pretty helpless. …


Jenene Crossan, COVID-19 patient # 37 in New Zealand.

I thought I’d experienced anxiety before. But now that we’re at full disclosure stage, let me tell you with a bit more candidness the extent of those times. I’ve had melt downs that have included public blubbering, inability to breathe and a serious desire to want to jump out of a plane (yes, without a useful parachute). A couple of times I’ve been so tired and beside myself with worry that I’ve entirely lost my shit in the supermarket and walked away from a trolley full of things (oh, what I wouldn’t give to have that trolley of food back…


What an incredible fortnight it has been. I’ve bounced from igniting a social media storm for #IWD2020, to landing on the other side of the world and into the thick of a local pandemic-preparation mode. Personally, I’m in self isolation in New Zealand, living in a camper van in my driveway. After two months of being away overseas, it’s been quite the homecoming; no hugging my husband or kids, just hunkering down, weathering the storm. My head is spinning from how fast it has all swung around; I’ve cried myself to sleep most nights this last week.

There is no…


In front of me was an ocean of men. Serious looking men. All staring, with grim resting faces, waiting for me to deliver the mandatory, “mental health for founders” speech. I was checking all sorts of boxes that day, being one of only five women in the room of four hundred.

I stood there with no speech prepared, I knew in my heart the message I wanted to deliver. As I drew in a breath to begin, it caught in me and I could feel emotion bubbling to the top. This would not be the time to cry. Internally I…

Jenene Crossan

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